


and was it something you could not stop.

by SirenSong



Series: you were good and bright and holy [1]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Character Death, Heavy Angst, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 07:24:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14327487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirenSong/pseuds/SirenSong
Summary: “Ratchet will fix you,” he says. Promises. Lies. Sweet nothings meant to comfort himself more than anything and he hates himself for that. The most he can do, can really do, is curl up around what is left of Rodimus. Tuck the fading sun against his shaking frame to protect his partner from the condemning gaze of fate and history themselves.( Or Megatron and Rodimus’ last time together. )





	and was it something you could not stop.

**Author's Note:**

> **Pairings** : Rodimus/Megatron, established.
> 
>  **Warnings** : Character death.
> 
>  **General Notes** : This is a four part series that revolves around the aftermath when Rodimus dies during a mission.
> 
>  **Current Notes** : The first part is Megatron and it mostly focuses on setting up up Rodimus’ death but briefly explores Megatron’s own regrets which will be hinted/shown in the other works. Megatron’s piece is based on a prompt I wrote on my Tumblr account during a writing meme. This prompt has been edited to further polish it and to expand on some scenes and thoughts I didn’t have time to add.

_I love you_

Those words haunt Megatron as he battles through the horde, cuts through the enemy lines as adrenaline and fear runs through his wires and sings in his erratic spark.

He ignores the pain of shots landing on his dented frame. He rejects the exhaustion that he feels wash over him time and again. He scorns the urges to stop and to rest. they are all insignificant to him in this place and time.

He focuses on moving forward because to stop now is to admit—

_I love you_

Behind him, Megatron is distantly aware of the others who are following him. Keeping the path open for him and keeping the enemy’s calvary at bay while he makes his way deeper and deeper into the camp.

They all know what’s coming. They all react to it in their own ways.

Drift is a maelstrom of grief and fury. his swords, wild as they may seem, are always true in their aim and always find a target to sink into. The screeching of metal and the tearing of flesh as he rips his foes apart almost hides the swordmech’s cries and curses to the heavens above them.

Ultra Magnus is quiet and clearly already in mourning, trying to process the steps of grief efficiently as he can. Even as he brings down retribution with his hammer and fists, there is a heaviness to his movement and a sense of regret that lingers in his field like ash and missed chances.

Thunderclash is openly weeping for he never hid his love for Rodimus, for his Never to Be and What If. His expression is one of sorrow, his optics fever bright as they spill a red, red light across the dusk’s darkness while he struggles to keep himself together. For the briefest of seconds, Megatron cannot begrudge the Autobot.

Not when they all know what awaits them at this path.

But Megatron keeps moving forward.

He owes Rodimus that much.

_I love you_

He never believed in Primus.

Why should he? Not with the life he lived and lost. Not with the things he’s done and had done to him. At best it was a comfort to get through the day. At worst it was a crutch to make excuse after excuse for why the world was terrible and cruel. He saw no reason to pray back then.

But he prays now.

Oh how he prays and prays and prays. To Primus, all-knowing and supposedly benevolent. To Solus, strong and proud. To the Guiding Hand and everything and anything that will listen to him and his desperate mantras.

 _Prove me wrong_ , he desperately begs the setting sun, pleads to the deities who are supposed to protect their flock no matter what the circumstances are.  _Prove me wrong and make a fool of me if you wish. Save him. It’s all I ask. Please have him safe. Please have him defy the odds and live through a miracle. It’s all I ask. This is all I ask._

Show him that there is something out there. Show him something cares. Show him something will always protect the ones who are good and bright and holy—

Then he finds him.

_I love you_

Those words echo in his mind when he finally finds Rodimus.

Or what’s left of him.

Rodimus, broken and bleeding, still hisses in defiant challenge when he hears the approach of someone heading towards where he lies on the ground, curled up to protect his sputtering spark. Only when he feels the familiar field of Megatron does tired, tired Rodimus relax and extend his own field out. It take Megatron a moment to realise that Rodimus is sending wave after flickering wave of  _joy_ - _relief_ - _ **comfort; giving**_.

Megatron almost wants to laugh when he feels the last emotion curl up around him. Comfort. Rodimus is dying and, despite it all, he’s trying to comfort him.

Perhaps that’s why he’s so in love with him. Perhaps that’s what he’s scared of losing when… when…

He hurries to his Prime’s side and, gently as he can, gathers Rodimus up in his arms. He apologises again and again whenever he hears a groan or creak or whimper from his beloved and Megatron peppers kisses across the smiling face below him, seeing the bravery (and the fear) that Rodimus tries to show (and hide) for his sake. A smile he’s already trying to burn into his memories.

“Ratchet will fix you,” he says. Promises. Lies. Sweet nothings meant to comfort himself more than anything and he hates himself for that. The most he can do, can really do, is curl up around what is left of Rodimus. Tuck the fading sun against his shaking frame to protect his partner from the condemning gaze of fate and history themselves.

Rodimus says nothing in reply to that. Merely continues to look up at him with the smile that fades to something sad and regretful and full of want. Megatron can tell there’s so much Rodimus wants to say, so much that he wants to be known before time runs out and nothing can be done.

But he is tired and he is dying and it’s clear that it took so much out of him to linger on this long.

All Rodimus can now say is:

“Don’t leave me.”

“Never.” Megatron presses a kiss against Rodimus’ helm. He tries to ignore the stuttering vents. The dimming optics. The fading spark. The inevitable that lies before the lovers who never stood a chance. “I love you.”

…

…

…

Ah. He feels so cold all of the sudden.

———————————————————————————

_“Bond with me?”_

_That finally has Megatron looking up from his reports. If only to glare at the red and gold mech across the war table. “Really.”_

_“Really!” Rodimus makes his way to Megatron’s side, adding a little roll to his hips as he walks because the speedster is a cheater who knows too well how to make his fellow co-captain hot and bothered. “We’re gonna fight some real nasty baddies if that message Blaster picked up was decrypted right.” Rodimus playfully bumps his hips against Megatron’s. His smile bright and full of mirth.”Who knows? This could be our last time together! We gotta make this one count, Megsy!”_

_Ugh. That nickname. Now he doesn’t bother to hide the roll of his optics. He looks away, pointedly keeping his gaze on the findings that Cyclonus and Mirage were able to get during their scouting. “No,” is his response, final and to the point. “You’re being overdramatic, Rodimus. Long as we keep an eye on each other, and some of us follow orders when given, we’ll be fine.”_

_The smile fades and Rodimus begins to pout now, crossing his arms across his chassis. “It’s never the right time,” he spits out and this is a familiar start. A beginning of a discussion they’ve had many, many times in the past. “I— Why can’t we bond? No. Why won’t you let us bond? I know we don’t have a lot of time together and what we have could have an expiration date on it but I want to make what we do have count so—”_

_“We’ll talk about this later,” is all he’ll say on the matter, effectively shutting down the conversation before it can begin. Already he pulls away from the warmth and the temptation that Rodimus brings with him. He tries to ignore the flash of hurt and uncertainty the crosses his sunlight’s expression because it’s for his own good._

_That’s what Megatron tells himself while he makes his way out of the meeting room, sending a quick comm. to Ultra Magnus and Brawn to discuss their tactics for the mission. He tells himself that it’s for his own good and that he means Rodimus when he thinks of that._

_“… I love you.”_

_Megatron hears those soft, soft words just as the door slides shut behind him and he curses under his breath for not catching it faster. A wave of regret, sudden and swift, watches over him and Megatron can't help waver. A part of him wants to turn around and open the door. Enter the room and sweep up his sun into his arms and tuck him against his frame. Megatron want to give him everything he wants and more because it is true. What they have together — this ephemeral, fragile thing — is limited and has an ‘expiration date’ as Rodimus so eloquently put it._

_But he chooses to move forward instead._

_After the mission, he promises himself. After the mission. He’ll let Rodimus know how much he cares for him and more. ___

**Author's Note:**

> Y’all are gonna suffer with me and there’s no stopping this.
> 
> You can hit me up on [my regular Tumblr account](https://alyonian.tumblr.com/), [NSFW TF Tumblr account](https://starschemer.tumblr.com/), and/or [Twitter account](https://twitter.com/withersake) if you want grieving robots.


End file.
